9.
“Too late too late a fool could
read the signs
Maybe baby you better check between
the lines
Please read the letter I wrote it
in my sleep
With help and consultation from the
angels of the deep”
Michael Lee, Jimmy Page, Charlie
Jones and Robert Plant
Something
was pulling her out of her sleep; a strange shrieking noise. She didn’t want to
wake up yet. She could feel in her whole body that she was still tired. But it
was useless; she rolled to her side and looked at the alarm clock, at least it
was 5:30 in the morning.
What the heck is that sound?
She got
out of bed and walked downstairs. The noise was fainter here but she could make
out that it came from outside; looked
out the kitchen window but she didn’t see anything. She walked to the front of
the house and looked out on the street. The noise was louder here. She opened
the door, the noise intensified.
Seagulls
had landed in the big oak tree across the street. Seagulls in suburbia! They
were making a ruckus; screeching and flapping their wings. She backed away into
the house again.
Hitchcock warning! Where did the
sparrows, the wren and the cardinal go?
Her
stomach growled; she hadn’t been eating well the last few days. Not really
since her lunch with Robert on Thursday. She stood by the kitchen counter and
ate two bowls of Cheerios and milk before the kids woke up.
Then the
regular morning rush; go potty, eat breakfast, say bye to daddy, brush teeth,
braid hair, get dressed. Jack refused to leave the house without his stuffed
dragon. She had to search the whole house until she found it deep under his
blanket in bed. Anna stood outside
yelling.
“Mommy!
We will be late! Mommy!”
They were
running late so she had to take Jack on her shoulders and convince Anna to not
say “hi” to the neighbor’s dog and not pick up every stick she saw. The little
girl pouted her lips and looked solemn the whole way. Two quick kisses and she
was on her way home again.
Rushed up
the stairs and turned on the computer. While it booted she had to eat some
more. An apple and some almonds. Another email was waiting!
Hope you could sleep well.
It’s 2am and I haven’t been able to
fall asleep yet. I can’t stop thinking of you!
And I must confess I am very
excited that I might see you on Friday. What would you like to do? Go to a
museum again? Have lunch? I am up for anything.
I don’t remember when I felt like
this last!
I will try to go to bed now and do
my best to not think of you.
She
looked at the clock, 9:15, she couldn’t call the grandparents yet.
Oh, please don’t let them have
plans! I want to go on Friday! I want to go!
Restless
she started to clean off the desk, straightened papers, and threw out old junk.
Went over to the bookcase and started to move the books around. Grabbed a rag,
started to dust. At 9:45 she couldn’t keep herself from calling anymore.
They
didn’t have plans! They could pick the kids up! She almost started to giggle
before she hung up. Then she had to run through the house. Yes! Yes! Yes!
Good morning Robert,
I will be all yours on Friday from
11 to 5. Just writing that gives me goose bumps.
Could I come to your place first so
we can talk a little and then we can see what we are up for?
I’m so excited!
Kristin
She sent
the email and then she went out and checked her Facebook page. She liked a few
posts, said “happy birthday” to one friend and shared a link about the
environment. Then it started to blink up in the corner. new message from robert.
She went
out on her email page.
Robert: good morning! So happy to hear that
you are coming.
Kristin: yes it will be fun!
Robert: of course you can come here if you
want first and then we can see what we are up for. How did you sleep by the
way?
Kristin: I slept well until seagulls woke me
up.
Robert: Seagulls?
Kristin: Yeah they were sitting in the oak
tree across the street. Making a ruckus!
Robert: Do you normally have seagulls
there?
Kristin: No!
Robert: When I’m in my cabin in the summer
I can hear them when I wake up.
Kristin: That is one thing. Bu not here in
suburbia and not only one, but many.
Robert: Strange!
Kristin: Very!
Robert: Like us.
He said us! Us as in two.
Kristin: How do you mean?
Robert: Strange, extraordinary that we met
Kristin: Yes
Robert: And that we seem to have this
strong connection already.
Kristin: Yes. Strange like seagulls in
suburbia.
Robert: Lol yes but more enjoyable
Kristin: Yes! You do understand that you are
dealing with someone that easily loses herself in emotions.
Robert: How do you mean?
Kristin: Well I tend to rush into things
wholeheartedly and my happiness is as high as my sadness is low.
Robert: If you mean that you follow your
emotions, then I am the same way. And I believe you have Scandinavian roots (am
I right?) and we all know about their dark moods. So I have been forewarned.
Kristin: yes my mother’s grandparents came
from Sweden.
Robert: Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
Kristin: yeah I guess you are right.
He doesn’t really understand? Or
does he mean that he can handle anything?
Robert: just wanted to say how excited I
am. I have to rush now so I will be on time for teaching.
Kristin: ok good luck
Robert: can we chat tomorrow morning?
Kristin: sure around 9
Robert: perfect! See you then.
Ok, Kristin, normal life calling!
Sheets to
be washed, bathrooms to be cleaned and a garden to tend to. She stripped the sheets off the beds and put
them into the machine. Cleaned both bathrooms; how can something get so dirty
in seven days? When the laundry was done
she decided to hang it outside for the first time of the year. The wind was fresh
and less filled with ice than just a couple of days ago. The sheets would smell
wonderful tonight. Like they always did at grandpa’s.
The
tulips were about to burst open and there was a real sense of Spring in the
air. She decided to take the kids to the park in the afternoon after Anna had
been let out from school. So she prepared dinner; made a meatloaf with mixed
root vegetables to just put in the oven when they came home.
Then she
pulled the weeds in the front in between the concrete blocks. Looked over at
the other’s gardens. So neat! So tidy! So sterile! Not like hers. Hers was
filled with flowers everywhere and bushes and shrubs. A reminder of where she
came from.
When Jack
came home from pre-school he wanted to watch a movie. Normally, Kristin would
sit with him in her lap and watch with him, or take the opportunity to read a
book or make a phone call. But now she was too restless. She checked her emails
ten times but of course she hadn’t gotten anything from Robert. He was teaching
but it still felt empty and dull.
She
pulled down the sheets, they were very close to dry and they smelled sweet. She
made the beds and then she packed her back pack with some juice boxes and
crackers.
The park with its ponds and trails
made a good distraction for her. The kids were running wild and free. And asked
her questions about the birds and the plants.
John called and said he had to work
late. So her evening hours got rushed. When she finally had both kids in bed
and Anna’s lunch made for the next day, it was already 8:50 and she was
exhausted.
She turned on the computer again.
Another email.
I
got your letter today; it is extremely well written and very moving. Whatever
happens between us I will always be a fan orf your writing (lol). I am
grateful to you for telling me the truth, for making me feel intensely again.
“There can be no knowledge without
emotion.
We may be aware of the truth, yet,
until
we have felt its force, it is not
ours.”
Arnold Bennett
“Linda!” her
grandpa yelled. “Come and help me with the
mattresses.”
Her mother came running; her hair in a
ponytail and her cheeks flushed.
Grandpa was there to clean up. He always came
after daddy left. Now they were going to clean the kid’s room. Kristin knew
that Emma’s mattress smelled like pee but she didn’t say anything.
“Kristin!” her mother said out of breath. “Why
don’t you take Jonas and Emma down to
Eddie’s Ice Cream?”
“Ok.”
“Here,” grandpa said and reached for his big
leather wallet. “Take some money.”
He gave her a five dollar bill. Kristin’s
mouth started to water.
“And go to the playground after so grandpa and
I can clean up. Don’t’ forget Emma’s pail and shovel.”
“Ok.”
They walked down the street, newly bathed and
with newly washed clothes. Emma’s curly blond hair was pulled back into to
pigtails and Jonas’ hair was trimmed. Mommy had French braided her hair this
morning when it was still wet. Tomorrow for church it would be wavy and her
mother had promised she could use one of her fancy clips to keep it away from
her face.
Eddies Ice Cream was packed. People even stood
in line.
“I want strawberry.” Emma said and reached her arms up for Kristin
to pick her up.
“You can have whatever you want. Grandpa gave
us money!”
Jonas craned his neck and tried to look at the
board.
“I want a cone with one orange sherbet and one
rocky road. Can I have whipped cream too?”
“Sure!”
The 5 dollar bill burned in her hand. Just
waiting to be turned into velvety frozen sweetness.
Mint
chocolate chip and cherry vanilla. Or butter pecan and chocolate? Or rum raisin
and strawberry?
The options, to be able to choose for once,
gave her a stomach ache. And her lungs shrunk.
There
won’t be any ice cream left when it’s our turn. Because we actually have money
today they will run out of ice cream. Don’t want it too much! Then it will run out!
She tried to not even think about the ice
cream. But the anxiety was still there.
Finally, up by the counter and she could
relax.
“I would like one cone with one scoop of
orange sherbet, and one scoop of rocky road and whipped cream on top. And one scoop
of strawberry in a cup with whipped cream. And one scoop of mint chocolate chip
and one scoop strawberry with whipped cream in a cone.”
Jonas stood with his face pressed against the
glass. His breath made a foggy circle.
“Hey kid! Stop breathing on the glass.”
Jonas jumped backwards. Anxiously pressed
himself into Kristin.
She laid in the shade under the tree. Her
mouth was cold and the sugar from the ice cream made her a bit woozy. Jonas was
swinging and Emma was sitting in the sandbox building sandcastles. Kristin
looked at her watch. Soon they could go home. Not yet, maybe in half an hour.
The whole apartment smelled of Pine Sol. Emma
had gotten a new mattress and the rugs on the floor had been beaten outside. No
more bottles on the counter, no more overfull ashtrays and no more dirty
clothes overflowing the hamper.
Mommy had made spaghetti and meat sauce and
they all sat around the kitchen table and ate. Grandpa had Emma in his lap and
fed her small pieces from his plate. Jonas twirled the spaghetti o to his fork
and finished his plate as fast as he could.
“Can I watch Scooby Do?” he asked and got up
from his chair.
“Yes,” their mother said.
Kristin ate three big plates until her stomach
hurt. There was no shortage of food tonight and no one was drunk or screaming.
Grandpa helped to put Jonas and Emma to bed,
then he went home.
“Do you want to watch some TV?” Mommy asked
and Kristin nodded.
They curled up on the couch together. Kristin
leaned into mommy’s body. They watched Dallas. Kristin thought it was boring
but it was nice to sit here with mommy.
“Do you miss him?” her mother suddenly asked.
“Yes,” she whispered.
“Me too, but it’s better like this for a
while.”
Kristin nodded.
“Until he gets whatever it is out of his
system.”
She nodded again.
“Then you know he will be back, and he will be
good again.”
“Yes,” she whispered.
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