Chapter 11-12

                                    11.

“The night Max wore his wolf suit and made mischief of one kind

and another

His mother called him “WILD THING!”

And Max said “I’LL EAT YOU UP!”

So he was sent to bed without eating anything.”

Maurice Sendak, Where the Wild Things Are

 

She couldn’t believe it; the stupid seagulls woke her up again, at 5:45. She was completely exhausted. Too little sleep had started to affect her, she could feel a slight headache and it was increasingly hard to focus on things. Thankfully, the kids were cooperating and there were no tantrums or dramas. 

She had forgotten that on Tuesdays she always took a long walk with her friend Jenna. So when she came home she turned on the computer to write Robert an email and tell her she couldn’t chat. But there was already one waiting for her.

I can’t chat in the morning today. My cat woke me up at 4 because she had chewed on her own paw. There was blood everywhere. I have to take her to the vet. I’m exhausted! Sorry! Perhaps some other time?

She wrote a quick short email telling him how sorry she was that his cat had hurt herself. She changed into tights and her good walking shoes. When she stepped out of the house Jenna was already there.

They walked briskly away from the house talking about the kids, and the weather and some TV show Jenna liked. When they came into the park Kristin blurted out, “Have you ever cheated?”

Jenna looked over at her with a curious look on her face and her brown eyes a bit wider than usual.

“Yes, one time. It was horrible!”

“What happened?”

“I actually cheated with Tom.”

The park was filled with daffodils and the bushes had started to open up.

“Well, he ended up being your husband so that is not too bad.”

Both of them laughed.

“I can tell you, that when it happened the guilt was horrible.”

“Did you go all the way?”

“Yeah, and before I got around to break up with my boyfriend, I was a wreck. He was away at college and it took a few weeks before I saw him.”

“Did you tell him?”

“No, I just broke up with him. He didn’t know Tom at all so it wasn’t like he could know. Why are you bringing this up?”

Jenna nudged her in the side.

“I don’t know, I was just thinking.”

They crossed the little bridge over the stream and came over on the other side.

“If I could choose, and I have been on both sides, I think I would rather by cheated on than cheat.”

“Really?” Kristin was surprised.

“Yeah, when someone cheats on you people feel sorry for you, but when you cheat you are the bad person.”

“Yeah, I guess.” Kristin thought carefully over how to word the next question. “What is worse, to physically cheat or to feel emotionally connected to someone?”

“What do you mean?”

They met a few other people and said “hi”.

“Well, you know you can have sex with someone without being in love. But isn’t it worse if you have feelings for someone?”

Jenna thought this over for a second.

“I guess, I mean I don’t think I would tell Tom if I was out and got drunk and made out with a guy and it didn’t mean anything.”

Kristin shook her head.

“No, I don’t think I would say anything either. But what if you, let’s say start to email someone or talk on the phone a lot. And you feel a really strong connection to this person. That is kind of bad, right?”

Jenna looked at her again, more thoughtful than curious this time.

“Yeah, then I think you are dealing with something completely different. And that can be dangerous, more dangerous than a one night stand.”

“Yeah.”

The came to the hill and walked up. They couldn’t talk since it was too steep, both of them were out of breath.

“Do you think that you can be married for maybe 40 years and never fall in love with someone else?” Kristin asked when her breathing had calmed down a bit again.

Jenna shook her head.

“No, I think that will happen, for sure. But the thing is what you do with it. Do you act on it or do you pretend nothing is going on?”

“Yeah, I don’t know.”

They walked out of the park again and started to walk home.

“Are you sure nothing is going on?”

Kristin smiled.

“No, I was just thinking.”

“Ok,” Jenna said and looked skeptical.

 

Before she went to pick up Jack she took a shower, stepped on the scale.

Ok those five pounds came off pretty easy.

Stress always had that effect on her. No sleep and no food= bleary eyed with skinny hips.

 Made the beds, cleaned up in the kitchen and vacuumed. She checked her emails but nothing new. Robert was probably busy with the cat.

Got Jack, made lunch, sat on the couch and read all the Dr. Seuss books. Tried to get Jack to tell her what they had done in pre-school but he kept insisting it was a secret. Drew a treasure map that they used when they went to pick up Anna. Made a snack, helped Anna with her homework while Jack was doing puzzles. Thought about Robert 2000 times.

At a quarter to four they had to leave for Anna’s soccer practice.

“Jack, it’s time to go!” she yelled.

“Soon!” he yelled back.

Anna stood outside the door in her soccer outfit waiting.

“Ok, I will count to 20 and if you are not down here then I will come upstairs and bring you down.”

She started to count loudly; at twelve Jack came down the stairs. He was wearing Anna’s yellow skirt with blue and red flowers.

“Maybe we should put some pants on?” Kristin suggested.

“No, I don’t want to wear pants!”

Kristin looked at her watch and then she looked over at Anna who had started to run on the lawn.

“It’s pretty cold out.”

The little boy shook his head.

“Can we at least put pants underneath the skirt?”

Jack thought about it for a moment.

“Ok,” he said.

Kristin ran upstairs and found a pair of long johns, and then she ran downstairs again and helped Jack put them on.

 

“Why is he wearing my skirt?” Anna asked when she saw them

Kristin shook her head.

“He is just borrowing it.”

Anna didn’t look happy but she had learned that sometimes it was better to stay quiet as to not induce a screaming tantrum.

Rode the bikes faster than she wanted to try to get there in time, they were still a few minutes late. The other mothers stared at Jack but didn’t say anything. Cheered on Anna, got back on the bikes, and rode home. Set the table, waited for John to bring home pizza while the kids watched TV.

The first thing John said when he got in the door was, “Why is Jack wearing a skirt?”

“Because he wants to!” She said irritated. “Let’s eat!”

John put the pizza on the table and the kids came running.

“He didn’t wear that out of the house?” John asked and pointed to Jack.

“He wore my skirt to soccer practice.” Anna said with her whole mouth full of pizza.

John glared at her.

“You can’t let him do that!”

Kristin swallowed down the half chewed pizza.

“And why not?”

“Because he is a boy!”

Kristin closed her eyes and tried, oh she tried her hardest to not get angry. But she failed!

“And so what? Do you think he will become gay because he wears a skirt?”

John looked bothered.

“What is gay?” Anna asked.

Kristin was just about to answer her.

“Don’t!” John said and looked at her with blazing eyes.

“Why don’t you stay home every day and we will see how many times you will give in because you are so damn tired of arguing and negotiating everything.”

Kristin threw away her half eaten pizza slice and left the table.

Sometimes I just want to divorce my whole life! Go somewhere else!

 

Suppressed the anger enough to be able to put Anna to bed with a smile and a kiss.

“I want you to read ‘Where the Wild Things Are’ ”. Anna stood with the book in her hand.

“Ok, we haven’t read that one in a long time.” Kristin sat down on the bed and Anna sat next to her.

“BE STILL!” Anna said and jumped up and stared Kristin in the eye.

And then they had the usual discussion about what kind of animal each of the wild things looked like. A bull, an eagle and of course, a lion. Kristin got a twitch in her stomach. A Leo!

“Good night sweetest little girl,” Kristin said by the door.

“Good night mommy.”

Then she basically rushed to the computer. He was already online!

Kristin: Hi Robert

Robert: sorry I missed our morning date

Kristin: it’s ok! how’s the cat?

Robert: She is ok. They put the cone on so she can’t lick her paw.

Kristin: she most love that! and how’re you?

Robert: lol! she is not crazy about the cone! I’m ok, a bit tired. how’re you?

Kristin: I’m ok, I didn’t have a bloodbath in my house at least.

Robert: do your kids sleep through the night?

Funny question coming from a man without children.

Kristin: of course

Robert: you are lucky!

Kristin: lol. they didn’t for the first 18 months. I was a wreck!

Robert:  I can imagine, my cat gets hurt and I am a wreck.

Kristin: lol. try losing blood, have someone suckle liquid from your body and not be allowed to sleep more than 2 hours straight for 6 months.

Robert: No thanks darling!

Robert: needless to say I am very excited about Friday.

Kristin: yeah me too! and if I know myself right I probably won’t sleep to well and then I will be starving.

Robert: I will feed you.

I will feed you! Can’t get more romantic than that.

At nine o’clock she started to get crossed eyed and they said good night.

 

 

 

 

                                                                        12.

“Sail on Silver Girl

Sail on by

Your time has come to shine

All your dreams are on their way”

Paul Simon

 

Her beautiful mother stood by the stove and sang loudly to Simon & Garfunkel, while she was mashing potatoes and frying sausages. Kristin loved her mother at this moment. Loved that she was so young, and so beautiful and full of songs.

Mommy had been back for about a week without daddy and now everybody was relaxed again. Food on the table and peaceful sleep at night. No one used the money to buy whiskey, no one invited people over for a party in the middle of the week and no one was fighting until blood sprayed all over the walls.

Jonas slept across the whole mattress again with his tiger by his side. Emma slept on her mattress on the floor and Kristin had her own mattress to herself.

“Kristin, go out and get the Jonas and Emma at the playground,” her mother said.

Kristin jumped down from the chair and rushed out.

Emma sat in the sandbox and Jonas was on the swings.

“It’s dinner!” she yelled to them and grabbed Emma by the hand.

Jonas made the swing go higher and higher until he leaped out in the air and landed feet first. Not as scared at the moment.

“I did it!” A big proud smile spread over his face.

When they were almost at the door, two teenage boys showed up. Kristin knew who they were and she knew that she should be afraid of them from what she had heard from other kids.

“Look!” the blonder of them said and pointed at them. “Where is your daddy?”

He smiled at them and Kristin felt how her stomach tightened.

“Fuck you!” she said.

At first they looked surprised but that left quickly and anger took over.

“What did you say?” the other one said.

He had a bit longer hair and a scar over his left cheek. The rumor was that he had been cut in a fight.

Kristin tried to get closer to the door so she could protect Jonas and Emma but both boys got in their way. And before she could react the blonder one got hold of Jonas.

“Leave him alone!” she screamed. She wasn’t afraid yet but she could feel that it wasn’t far away.

Jonas looked so small in their arms, and she could see that he would start to cry very soon. Emma stood with her thumb in her mouth, pressed against her leg.

The one with the scar grabbed Jonas arm and bent it behind his back.

“Ouch,” Jonas whimpered and both boys laughed.

Kristin started to feel a growl grow in her stomach and she heard her daddy’s voice inside of her. “You are my little wolf.”

She took several deep breaths before she rushed at them. She jumped on top of the one that held onto Jonas and started to bite and claw and pull his hair. Emma started to howl. Kristin was a rage filled animal. She was foaming at the mouth when she got hold of the boy’s ear with her teeth and bit down.

“Oooouuuh!” he screamed.

 She tasted blood in her mouth. He pushed her away and she fell to the ground.

“Jesus!” the boy screamed and held a hand over his ear. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”

Kristin sat crouched down on the ground with narrow eyes.

“Leave us alone!” she snarled.

“Crazy bitch!” the boy said and backed up.

 Then both of them turned around and walked slowly away.

Kristin was breathing heavily, she felt like she had been running for hours. Emma was sobbing and Jonas stood with his head hanging.

“Let’s not tell mommy,” Kristin panted.

Jonas shook his head. She picked up Emma in her arms and kissed the little girls face until there were no more tears.